Tiring

 " Wait, really?! Were you guys really allowed to do THAT? I wish I had had those same privileges too, man that place almost killed me with boredom."

Psychiatric facilities are generally known for their strict regulations. Patients are only allowed to do certain things, access certain personal belongings, and everything is closely monitored via security cameras. When you go there for the first time, you might be shocked at how much your life is being controlled by other people. But if you are one of those who end up going for more than once, you get used to it. Especially when in hindsight, you understand the need for those restrictions. 

It is all for your own safety, after all. 

Psych wards in Finland are not nearly as controlling as in countries like the United States. There are certain universal rules every patient must follow, like meal schedules and having your personal belongings checked every time you come back from a walk. But the majority of the rules are based on the needs of the individual: what kind of care they are at the ward for, what mental illnesses they have and which symptoms are the most dangerous for their own safety and those of others. Along with that, the status of voluntary admission grants the patient more freedom, like having their phone in their possession. 

But no matter what, things will get boring. Things will get tiring – and pretty fast, too. 

activities.

Hanging out in the common room has never been appealing to me. I'm scared of strangers in everyday life already, but when I'm in such a fragile mental state as I am at the ward, I want to avoid any social situations that are not absolutely necessary. So I spend a lot of time in my own room, thinking about things, staring out the window, dissociated. 

The wards always have a selection of games that you can play. Many of them are board games meant for groups of people, and I tend to opt out of those right away. But there's always something there for me, too. 

I love Solitaire. It's one of the only card games I can actually play properly. My mom was an avid Solitaire player when she was younger, and I was always sitting there, next to her, observing her moves and what you were supposed to do in the game. Mom's favorite was Spider, though you can't really play that with physical cards. The other one she loved and the one I'm playing at the ward every day is the classic Klondike. It was on my first long psych ward period that I picked up the card deck again and started playing. Now, it's become a tradition: every time I'm at the ward, I ask for the deck and sit down on the floor and play. For hours. 

I have a bad habit a lot of people are appalled by: I smoke cigarettes. I've never developed a nicotine addiction, because I can go months without cigarettes without thinking about it, and it takes me two to three weeks to go through a pack. But when I'm at the ward, I might have to go buy a new pack every week. Because every psychiatric ward in Finland has a smoking room in them. There's a lighter there attached to the table with a chain, and you are allowed to go in there how many times you want between 6 am and 10 pm. 

So I go. I wake up at 7.30 am, eat breakfast, and go for a smoke. I go back into my room, play Solitaire, and eat lunch at 11 am. And I go for a smoke. 

Because there really isn't anything else to do in there. And I guess wasting away with Solitaire and cigarettes is better than not being able to breath anymore, like I planned things to go initially. 

Ace up in sleeve,

ichigonya