Longing

 If there is one place in this world that pretty much everyone can agree on that they never want to go to, it's probably a psychiatric facility. The stigma and shame of being admitted to the psych ward is very strong even to this day, no matter how much progress the Western society has made in terms of accepting and normalizing mental illnesses. You can have depression and anxiety, maybe even some traumagenic illnesses or eating disorders, but you can NEVER be so sick that you would absolutely have to go to the PSYCH WARD. Anything but that! You would rather even immerse yourself in your suffering, because the thought of hospitalization is so terrifying and shameful. 

As per almost every type of discourse and debate in online spaces, I think what we tend to forget and ignore is the fact that health care for mental health is very different in different countries. The vast majority of the English-spoken discourse around staying at a psychiatric facility comes from the United States, given the population of the federation. And while the stories from American psych wards are absolutely horrendous and inhumane, something that should never ever take place anywhere, let alone somewhere where you're supposed to get help for your problems, I think we need to hear other types of stories as well – from around the world. 

take me back.

While my experiences have not always been the best, I still feel like Finnish psychiatric facilities are reliable and caring, with nurses and doctors that want to help you and support you enough that you can check out and live a more stable life. During my four times of being hospitalized, I have received much needed medical care and nurturing, functioning medication and a BPD diagnosis. Especially the last two, summer 2024 and summer 2023, were both at the same hospital and helped me feel so much better than what I was at the time of check-in. I grew attached to the nurses that were assigned to take care of me, I had extremely insightful conversations with them, and I received a revamped medication plan from the doctors who knew what they were doing. 

For all these reasons and then some, I find myself longing for staying at the psych ward, even when I am not nearly as unwell as I have been when hospitalized. To someone who has never been at the ward, this train of thought might seem completely insane – which, they wouldn't be entirely wrong about – but for the ones who have been there multiple times, it's an experience many of us share.

They take care of everything over there. Meal prepping, daily scheduling, laundry, dishes, cleaning your room, changing your sheets... You don't have to worry about doing anything while at the ward; anything but focusing on yourself. The environment is void of any items that you could harm yourself with, the nurses are there 24/7 to look after you and make sure you don't break the rules... So when you're in your own apartment, doing the dishes in your tiny kitchenette, you sometimes find yourself thinking–

I wish I was there now. 

Feeling conflicted,

ichigonya

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CHAPTER 8: HOSPITAL – BEGINNING