Trauma Doesn't Make You Stronger

 "So, what does it really feel like? Is it like some type of out-of-body experience?" I've been asked this question a few times after telling someone about my dissociation. It is a very common way of explaining the phenomenon to someone who doesn't have too much personal experience with it, and partly, it is true. But not every form of dissociation is the same, so not every one of them can be called an out-of-body experience. There is one that meets that definition pretty well, though.  out of my body. Depersonalization is a form of dissociation where one feels a lack of connection to oneself in various ways. These can include physical sense of self (a connection to one's own body and physical form), cognitive functions (thoughts and memories), emotional functions, and sense of identity (parts of one's identity). In short, in depersonalization, you feel a lack of connection to the person that you are, all different aspects of what makes you you .  Sometimes w...

 Dissociation leads me to the feeling of emptiness very often. People with BPD experience a chronic feeling of "emptiness", as if something is missing within themselves, a part of their soul is lost, and all you have left is the hollow empty feeling of a shell. This is a common struggle for myself, too, even without dissociation. But dissociation makes it easily ten times worse. You feel completely detached from yourself and the world around you. You feel that detachment in your body, but also in your psyche, in your emotions. You feel like whatever it is you're feeling right now is not really your own, and your thoughts feel foreign to you too. It's the complete lack of connection to yourself and this reality, which in turn makes you feel like you're not really a person to begin with – just an empty shell of a human being, pretending to live life and be there for other people.  During my very intense and long dissociative episodes, I feel all of my emotions flatt...