One Word Fits All

 I don't like to think of myself as one of those people who have arguments with people on the internet all the time. I don't enjoy arguing with anyone, and even debating is sometimes too much for me. I tend to stay away from heated conversation topics because my weak mind can't handle the pressure and stress of keyboard fighting. It is the main reason I have left various online communities in my time. 

But I guess we all have our exceptions to our rules.

Bullying. A word I have been so afraid of for the majority of my life, and a word that has become an integral part of my identity and life experiences. It's a word I find myself gravitating towards, a noun I can't seemingly escape. Whether it be on social media, on forums, in the news, or everyday life, I hear that word somewhere almost daily. And as many as there are instances and scenarios for its use, there are as many meanings and definitions for it. 

The most typical argument I end up having with people online about 'bullying' as a word is its definition. There seems to be this general consensus that there is no clear classification of bullying; that it is an abstract word that is completely reliant on the person who is using it. Bullying can be anything you want it to be, so it doesn't matter in what way you use the word. 

This kind of mentality is not new to me as an enjoyer of linguistics. We as people like to give words new meanings all the time, meanings that only exist in one instance and are then forgotten and never returned to. This is the way metaphors work too, at least in some capacity. We come up with new, creative ways to use already existing words to draw comparisons between things that are not typically compared to each other, to illustrate new ways of thinking and feeling. It is one of the many things that make human language so interesting to me. 

But when we are talking about words of abuse and trauma, I think we should be more careful with when and how we apply that sentiment.

Many younger millennials and older Gen Z'ers remember the late 2000s and the weird obsession with rape jokes. Memes and prank videos of people screaming at each other "RRRAPE TIMEEE" in that sing-song tone. Those jokes were peak online humor at the time. Now, even thinking back on them, I feel uneasy and disgusted. 

In these instances, the word 'rape' was used as a hyperbole, a metaphor of some kind. It was used to describe something intrusive and unwelcome, appalling and suddenly at your face. Those are all qualities associated with sexual assault, so in some way, the association makes sense. But you don't hear those jokes anymore, at least not on the same scale as before. That is because we have moved forward as a society and are now aware of the implications of these jokes, and that sexual assault is no joking matter. Hyperboles associated with sexual assault are a thing of the past – as they should be. 

"SMHHH bully me into getting out of bed fr im feeling so lazy today & someone needs to scream at me to do something"

Here, the verb 'bully' is used as a hyperbole. As a linguist, I am aware of the fact that I have no right to dictate the way other people speak and use their own lexicon, but I am also aware of the fact that societal changes in the language we speak are possible if we make collective decisions on it as a community. And that is why I always argue against this kind of language. You don't have to use a word that is meant for a form of abuse to describe uncomfortable interactions with your friends. There are other ways of saying it. You wouldn't be using the word 'rape' like this anymore, would you?

b-word.

"But bullying doesn't have a definition."

Yes it does. The fact that you have not heard of it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. 

Every time this argument gets brought up, I always mention Christina Salmivalli, the leading bullying researcher in children's psychology in Finland. She wrote her doctorate thesis on school bullying, and she has defined bullying like this:

Bullying is the repetitive, deliberate and malicious attacking of a party with lesser power. There are three main elements of bullying: power imbalance, systematic repetition, and targeting of the same individual.

It is a network of abuse tactics. The word has a real meaning attached to it, but because of the way it has been watered down, we have become so disconnected from the real issue of bullying that we are unable to detect it or take it seriously when we come in contact with it. 

The pen is mightier than the sword; so goes the famous saying. And it is true too. Language is the most powerful set of tools or weapons you can have, and the way you decide to use them can have a lasting impact on the people around you but also the society on a larger scale. When the only ways we use a word in are hyperbolic and metaphorical, we slowly forget the original meaning the word used to have. Your decision to call the friendly bickering among your friend group "bullying" is a direct attack toward me and other survivors of peer abuse. Your hyperboles are not as important as the language used for the trauma we were put through by our peers.

If I can't have the word 'childhood trauma', then you can't have the B-word.

Missing uni,

ichigonya

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CHAPTER 5: WORDS – END